i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
