I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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