My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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