guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
