You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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