The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
