I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
