i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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