Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
