I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
