Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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