who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
