So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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