I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
