I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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