she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
