She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
