just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
