I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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