Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
