proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
