If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
