am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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