Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
