Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
