I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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