I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize