guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
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