remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
