i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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