The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
