I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
