He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
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At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
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Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
is it fun? or sober?
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