tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
