Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
