Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
