No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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