I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
this boner is exhausting
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
