My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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