its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
