Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
