I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
