I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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