At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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