Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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