they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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