Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize