The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
