are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
