dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
