Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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