Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
