Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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