Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
