i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
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We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
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Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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