Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
