you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
