So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
