he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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