Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
