She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize