my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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