I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
